just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize