yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
