I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
