We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize