i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have fence marks all over my body
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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