if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
