RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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