you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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