i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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