No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
