Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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