My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
