So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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