girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
