just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
