Do you still have your period?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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