i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
