Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
