I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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