ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
