turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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