i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
