dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
