He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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