How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I want her autograph on my taint
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize