I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
