So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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