why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
