Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
