i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
