whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
