Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
