Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
