i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
