Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
