Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
