My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
