I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
