Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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