And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
