Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
