are you still at the devil's house?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
