Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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