my vag is so smooth its legendary
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
