Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
