I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
