So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize