"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
