so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Operation Purity has been aborted
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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