The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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