one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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