The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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