did you get engaged???
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
