4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
