Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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