Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Enjoy the penises
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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