I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
