Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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