someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
