it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
