If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
