Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
