you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
