I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
