BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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