you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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