why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
