Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
