I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
